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2013 Capital Fringe Show Preview: ‘Crime Buster Blast-Off 3000’ by The Bradford Güild

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The following poem was written by Musical Director Ian McDermott, in the year 1999. It is the basis for the entire production. He was nine years old* when he wrote it.

What will the new
Millennium bring?
Will we still sing songs?
Will piggies sprout wings?
Will men marry puppets

And teach them to sing,
And spend lots of money

On sweet diamond rings?

Where will we live,
Inside a computer?
Will humans still be
Earth’s foremost polluter?
Or will the torch pass

To farm animals,
Who swill in the mud

And chomp firewalls?

What will we eat?
What kind of meat?
Will we drink milk

From a mom-dolphin’s teat?
The answer’s unknown
But one thing’s quite clear
You’re old my dear teacher,
You won’t still be here (for very much longer).

crimebuster2After receiving a C+ on the poem, McDermott vowed that one day he would prove to his crotchety, old 4th grade teacher, Mrs. Adolf that the poem was truly a work of genius. However, by the time he had the funds and the know-how, both Mrs. Adolf and the turn of the millennium had passed. Luckily he would soon join the Bradford Güild who vowed to help him realize his prepubescent opus by setting it 1000 years into the future to bring you the game-changing musical comedy, Crime Buster Blast-Off 3000. Yeah!

From July 12-28th Buster Blast, Earth’s last remaining rock band battles the Porker Chomper, the suiiiiii-est Mafioso-turned-computer virus! You see, the Porker Chomper intends to Peta-byte up all of the data in the digital universe! You think Buster Blast is just gonna practice scales while he’s out there heat-sinking all of your memories into his belly? While he’s compressing your profile picture into his gullet? Harvesting your social media presence for his mother-smorgasbord? Drenching your data in his synthetic swill?

No! They’re gonna be out on 7th St NW! Gearbox Theater, 3rd Floor 1021 7th St NW to be exact, shredding their heart-stringed instruments to save this Internet we know and love so dear.

Inspired by Beauxdrillard, The Bradford Guild asks the tenderizing questions: Exactly what is human meat made of? What’s your favorite color? Number? What is the experience of a comatose individual? Will we all be drinking dolphin milk in 1000 years? Yes? No? Maybe. As the old saying goes, “The only way to find the answers to life’s greatest mysteries is to come see Crime Buster Blast-Off 3000.” Trust us, we know everything that’s about to happen, we’re from the future.

The Bradford Güild consists of Matt Hagerty, Ian McDermott, Mason Trappio, and Alex Zito. Founded in 2012, they made it their mission to have the audience and theatre space play as much of a role their productions as the performers themselves, that’s right, careful in the front row, you might get splashed. Its members are known locally for everything from performance art to musical and dramatic theater, stand-up, improvisation, and sketch comedy. Collectively, they have performed at acclaimed DMV Comedy, Theatre and Art venues including Artisphere, The DC Improv, and the Clarice Smith Performing Arts Center.

*Child Prodigy

sixteen (27)

Performance Schedule
Friday, July 12th at 10:00 pm
Sunday, July 14th at 11:00 pm
Saturday, July 21th at 7:45 pm
Sunday, July 21 at 11:00 pm
Wednesday, July 24th at 5:45 pm
Saturday, July 27th at 12:00 pm
Sunday, July 28th at 4:45pm

At The Gearbox Theater,
1021 7th Street NW, in Washington, DC, 20001

PURCHASE TICKETS HEREor by calling (866) 811-4111.

@BradfordGuild @Oduibhdiorma #cbb3000

ABOUT CAPITAL FRINGE: Capital Fringe is a 501(c)3 nonprofit organization founded in 2005 with the purpose of connecting exploratory artists with adventurous audiences by creating outlets and spaces for creative, cutting-edge, and contemporary performance in the District. Capital Fringe’s vital programs ensure the growth and continued health of the local and regional performing arts community by helping artists become independent producers while stimulating the vibrant cultural landscape in our city. Official Hashtags: #outsidetwire #capfringe13 #CapFringeSoldOut

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One Response to 2013 Capital Fringe Show Preview: ‘Crime Buster Blast-Off 3000’ by The Bradford Güild

  1. uhh June 29, 2013 at 5:23 am #

    this some wacky stuff right here