JUDYISMS: ‘What Not to Do When Auditioning!’ by Judy Stadt


'The Audition' illustrated by Judy Stadt.

When I think about the fact that I ACTUALLY DID THIS STUPID THING I absolutely want to strike myself upside the head with a pot and knock myself unconscious.

So, I finally was able to land an audition at The Public Theatre in NYC. Don’t remember the circumstances, but I was able to audition for the Artistic Director herself and I was thrilled and, as is my habit, I drove myself crazy wondering “what should I use for my audition material?” I do know that the best thing to do is to perform something that you feel comfortable with. Well, at that same time I recently done two interesting plays – Dracula, in which I played a manic Professor VanHelsing (as a woman) ala Sid Caesar (wildly funny) and another play … much more serious
Waiting for the Parade and the role was Marta, a thoughtful daughter of a man who was being accused of being a Nazi.

Now, BOTH of these roles were German characters and they both had German accents, but, in my mind I thought that since the characters were so very different that wouldn’t be held against me and I knew that I was very good in those roles and extremely proud of my performances.

OK, so I go into the Public’s main stage and do these two monologues and the first question from the Artistic Director’s mouth is “How many years has it been since you left Germany?” My feeble answer … “I was born in the Bronx and never was in Germany in my life.”

After that the rest of the discussion was moot and I don’t remember any of it, but I’m sure my name was erased from their files immediately upon my departure because I was never called in to “audition” again.

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